4-4-4 Tag

How fun: Emma's first time on roller skates.
Shortly after this picture I found roller blades for $4.96 for her.

These are the rules:
1. Go to your pictures.
2. Upload the fourth picture from the fourth folder.
3. Post.
4. Tag 4 friends. I don't feel like tagging 4 friends but if you want to feel free!

EMDR

I am sure I just heard you say, "What is EMDR?"I will try my best to answer your question.
My counselor through LDS Family Services suggested trying EMDR. It is used to treat posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Previous to last Thursday I would have flashbacks of Lloyd being tasered 15 to 20 times a day.
This doesn't include the other flashbacks of the group yelling at me, sitting in the police car, etc. etc. I was willing to try almost anything but very nervous.

Here is what I have learned: In normal life you process events during REM sleep. Sometimes if you experience a trauma your brain can have a hard time moving the event out of the Fight, Flee or Freeze part of the brain. When this happens for an extended amount of time (over a month) it can be considered PTSD. Once you become somewhat stable you can simulate REM by
doing EMDR in a controlled situation.

My experience: On Thursday I met with my counselor, Linda. I knew we were going to try EMDR. I had to start by getting the most vivid picture/sound of Lloyd being tasered in my mind. Then I would follow Linda's fingers as they passed back and forth in front of my eyes. There is a set number of times she does the pass but that wasn't my part. After she does the passes then
she would ask what thought or feeling I was experiencing. Amazingly there was always something pretty clear. I have to admit things got worse before they got better. At the end of the session I thought we had been doing EMDR 15 maybe 20 minutes.

It had really been 2 HOURS!! That my friends is a lot of brain processing!

When we stopped I just felt sad that Lloyd was tasered but I no longer had the sense of imminent danger and the need to run. I could still get a picture but it seemed far away.

Today: I don't even feel sad. I am down to a couple taser flashbacks a day. The flashbacks are very different, it is more of an acknowledgment that Lloyd was tasered If I want to get a picture I have to work pretty hard. It is like my brain wants to check one spot and then has to go searching.

Tomorrow: I can't predict the future. I don't know if the trial will bring things back up. I do know that we will be doing EMDR for each flashback scene and then the whole park scene. It may take more sessions to experience permanent relief.

I am thankful for the relief of the past two days.

I actually cleaned my house today!

Quirks Tag

6 Quirky things about you.

• Rules: Thank the person who tagged you and mention these rules on your blog.
• Tell 6 UNSPECTACULAR Quirks about yourself and tag 6 fellow bloggers.

Thanks Heidi!!

1. I have had 5 kids and only one epidural. NOT by my choice. Allie and Emma were born in Montana and they didn't do epidurals at that hospital. Jackson we got to the hospital to late. Reuben the anetheologist didn't make it in time. Nora was the winner we knew it was the last chance so they gave me the epidural almost before I was in pain!!
2. I hate the dark. If I have to go outside and I am alone I will run. If someone is around I have to control myself and do a brisk walk. The light is soooo much better.
3. I pride myself in being able to do little girls hair but can't comb my boys hair to save my life! Lloyd often re-combs the boys hair after my attempt. :0
   
4. I can't stand having my fingernails painted (other than clear polish) but love having my toe nails painted.
5. I love to be barefoot. Thus in the summer I spend hours using a pumice stone on my feet so they don't crack and hurt.
6. I have to be on time. Lloyd always jokes that if I am not 5 minutes early then I'm late.
   

I tag: Tiffany, Ann, Janeal, Jake, Janette, Kelli and anyone else who reads this

Perspective

Since the first part of August I have been hearing:
"You've done your share, things can't get worse."
Then something else would happen.
Sometime comical some heartbreaking!
Then today a dear friend posted this:

After fiery plane crash, a sister is held even closer

I remember hearing about this on the news.
That was another family and I had my own problems.
Then I found out, I knew people related to them.
A little closer to home....
Things can always get worse...
Sometimes we all need to be carried....
We all need prayers...
We all need family...
Our understanding is limited...
Heavenly Father's understanding is eternal...
Thanks Ann for helping me to think about my Perspective!

Emma's Baptism

Emma's very special day was last Saturday. She was able to be baptized by her dad.






Ms. Schroeder is Emma's school teacher. She said she felt honored to be invited to such a special day.





Even the boys made it through the day. Thank-you to all the friends who came to be our family. I know family would have loved to have been here if it would have been possible.

Wow!!

So, today as I was taking a nap and my phone kept ringing and I didn't answer. When I get up I have a message from a friend who moved a couple year ago. I love hearing from friends. Another message is from our asthma/immunology doctor for Reuben. I just saw him last week and Reuben had a great visit. I call him back, he left for a satellite office. He calls me back within a few minutes. What does he want?? He just wanted to know if I was okay and if Lloyd was okay. He wanted to let me know he knows we are good parents who want the best for our kids. The media will do there thing but it doesn't change his opinion of us. If either Lloyd or I need to talk to please call or come in because he would like to do whatever he can to help us. Finally, he will call back in a couple months to check on us. WOW!! There really are great people out there.

Media Links...not for feel good reading

Judge orders father in Ypsilanti Township Taser incident to stand trial
Father Stunned By Taser Will Stand Trial
Father Stunned With Taser