That's not my plan!!

The first time I remember really feeling this way was after I had finished my first year of college. I would finish my associate degree then do a semester at BYU Hawaii, a semester at BYU Jerusalem then finish up at University of Utah. I was going to get married at 23 have my first baby at 25. Then I met Lloyd 12 years ago today. All I wanted was 1 date (I guess I filled that part of my plan.) My plan changed I knew it was right to marry Lloyd, yet I still mourned for the loss of my "perfect" plan.

Now 12 years later, I find myself sometimes screaming "THIS IS NOT MY PLAN!!" I wasn't as clear exactly what my plan was but I know this isn't it. I was going to stay home and raise my babies. Eventually I would go back to school for fun. I never thought I would be going back to school so I would be able to help support my family financially. I wonder, is Heavenly Father looking down on me with the same exasperated look I give to my kids. I imagine Him saying "I didn't ask if this was your plan. I just need you to do this for my plan." So, what is His plan?

Are we going to stay in Michigan? What about the kids, I am very concerned about their education. I want them to live in a neighborhood where I feel comfortable letting them play outside. Do we move in with Lloyd's parents? What about a job? School for me? I know the kids would thrive. Could we possibly move to Rexburg? I could go to school, kids would have great schools. Will Lloyd find work? How can I leave all those we have come to love? How can we possibly balance all the balls in the air? So many questions that usually lead to more questions. Right now no one has the answers, believe me I have tried to find them. I think I have heard, "I don't know how this will affect your family's life;" more times than I can count.

Here are the answers I do know. I know somehow things will work out. I know tomorrow will still come. I know I don't have the answers. I know this is not my plan. I know Heavenly Father is saying,

"I didn't ask if this was your plan. I just need you to do this for my plan."

p.s. Heavenly Father, when do I get to find out what role I play in Your plan?